Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
