So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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