God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
