He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
