Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
