I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
