Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
