Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
