I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
