I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
