What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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