What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
