420 ftw
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
