i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
