Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
