Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
