anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
