I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
