also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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