he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
