if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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