he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
