Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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