Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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