you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
