We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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