She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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