I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
