I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
