I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
