.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
