i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
