Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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