i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
