My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
