I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
