it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
