Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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