You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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