Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
