Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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