i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
