She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
