its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
