Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
