if only i could text you this smell
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
