You just made me feel so damn special
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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