it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
