I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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