can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
